well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize