But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
