Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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