I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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