I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize