all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
