my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
