I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
