didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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