Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize