is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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