lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
