Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
