Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize