he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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