Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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