it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
a search helicopter?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
