Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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