yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
