I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
