so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
