You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
