your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
