Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize