I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
