Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
