What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
