at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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