I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
