2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
