can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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