well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
