Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
