The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
