Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
