you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize