Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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