Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
