I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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