I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
