You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
