Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
