This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
