oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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