Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
