It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize