Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
