Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
