Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
