also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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