I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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