I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
