i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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