At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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