my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
