dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
