I got chris browned last night
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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