On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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