Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need to calm my uterus...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
