He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
