i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
4 words: hood of his car
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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