dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize