just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
